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Dreaming of an Ex: WTF Does It Mean? [Dream Series: Part II]

We’ve all done it. It’s rarely a comforting feeling to wake up post-dream about an ex-lover. I mean, they’re an ex for a reason, right? Something went haywire, so the universe shouted a big “NO”. You know this. You may even have finally come to terms with this.


So why the fuh are you still dreaming about this person?


I’ve felt inspired to research this topic as of late, because I have been having nightmares about one of my ex-boyfriends. [You can read more about my haunting relationship with him here.] These reoccurring nightmares set me up in a similar situation every time. In these dreams, this ex and I are still dating and set to be married.  Usually, I am screaming for help, but no one hears me. It’s like I was transported right back to 2012, and I am a voiceless 21 year old again. Ugh. It’s awful.


Clearly, I am dreaming about committing to my horrible ex once more because I feel like my *real life is slowly but surely spiraling out of control. Job, house, other responsibilities: all are getting to that survival point in the year where I can feel summer vaca in my bones. I need a vacation. I need an escape. The key that I was forced to recognize is that all of these sentiments were felt in real time when dating the horrid ex. The deliciously dangerous unraveling of emotions via losing identity and control? Just in time for an end-of-the-school-year cocktail? This has * ex boyfriend’s name * written all over it. So, of COURSE my subconscious and my spirit guides would tag team to send me a very clear message: CHILL THE F*Q OUT & GAIN SOME CONTROL SO THAT YOU DON’T #SPIRAL LIKE 2012. I hear them loud and clear.


For some of you ex-dreamers, the dreams that you have about your ex may actually feel like a good thing. You may be dreaming about your great white buffalo (See: Katy Perry’s The One That Got Away), or a more recent ex who you may or may not still be pining for. Moral of the story: Not all ex-relationship dreams are the same. They all come in different shapes and sizes. And ultimately, it is up to us to do the heavily lifting in order to assess what our spirit guides are telling us.


I used to have dreams about losing my great white buffalo in a European amusement park. I would scream and shout (Britney-style) for him, but in my heart, I knew he was gone. After a good long while of reflection, I know that this dream told me 2 things: 1) You felt more like a parent or guide to this boy, rather than an equal partner, and 2) It’s so time to let go of the responsibility that lingered in that relationship. He’s a grown man- he can survive the European amusement park by himself. He’ll be fine. Actually, we’ll all be fine, as we have both found our way IRL.


I think we dream most often about exes that we have a powerful connection to, for better or for worse. Dating Mr. 2012 exposed me to my biggest fear- Losing my identity. Stripping me of my self-worth. That loathing took years to heal (with the help of friends, family, and a professional), but I still conquered those demons. Of course, someone linked to that level of power would reappear in my nightmares when I needed a wake-up call.


If you are having dreams about an ex and you are truly at a loss as to why this is happening, I encourage you to dig deep and think about how you felt when you dated this person. Ask the hard questions.

-Did you feel a sense of childlike freedom when you dated this person?

-Did you feel supported and comforted by this person’s family? (or vice versa)

-Do you feel a deficit in your current relationship, so you’re idolizing a past that is long gone?

-Do you still miss this person?

-Do you romanticize the “what could’ve been”, when in reality, you know that y’all needed to break up?

-Do you feel resentment towards this individual and you haven’t fully released it to the universe?

-Are you still connected (and annoyed that you are connected) to this person through career, children, community, etc.?


There are LOTS of possibilities, y’all. Go on and journal that shit out. Ask yourself those tough questions. What is the universe trying to tell you?


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