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From The Voice of a Retired Mean Girl: You Cannot Save Mean People.

Hey, Friends! Today, we are going to talk about a SERIOUS mental health no-no. We are covering why it is of the upmost importance for you to ditch all of the mean people that exist in your life. While this may seem like a no-brainer (why would anyone willingly spend time with a mean person?), it is unreal how easy it is to fall into the charismatic trap of a meanie. And some of us don’t even realize that we have surrounded ourselves with meanies until we become one ourselves. Ek.

Meanies are everywhere. They show themselves in the work/office common space, in our group chats, and even at family dinner. They may be an acquaintance at work or they may be our spouse. Maybe, just maybe.. is your very own offspring a meanie? Ruh-roh. [If that’s the case, you may want to take a look at your own behavior, tho. Keep reading. This may apply to you.]

A mean person is someone who is:

  1. stuck in a rut. A mean, ol’, cranky rut. This person may even avoid change, because they feel so comfortable sitting in angst.
  2. trying to tear others down. Secretly, this is due to this own individual’s insecurities. While we know this is the origin of the meanness (any episode of Girl Code will tell you that), we sometimes forget this part. Especially if this person is close to us.
  3. lonely. Secretly, this person is craving companionship of some sort, because mean people try to show others their angry perspective on the world. They wanna connect and have others join them in their sadness. Avoid the flame!
  4. lacking self awarenessUsually, a person lacks self awareness if they feel the craving to say hurtful things to others. This means that they struggle with finding inner peace. Is the person talking crap about others behind the other person’s back? Woof. This is even worse. That means that they know the consequences of treating people like garbage could end badly, but they need to play it safe just in case.
  5. craving control. Yes. I said it. A person who lashes out most likely feels like they are lacking serious control of their lives. How’s your life at work, meanpants? How’s your marriage? Kids acting out? Did you receive hate mail this year during Christmas? Are your sorority sisters excluding you from a pre-gaming party off campus? Again? People are mean because they see pieces of their reality crumbling before them.
  6. sometimes fun to be around! Gosh, isn’t it fun to be mean? Mean Girls really painted such an accurate picture of how being a mean person can be hip and fun and addicting. Being mean creates a false sense of power, and some folks want that power.

While we may want to sympathize with these people, it is very important that you read this very carefully. You cannot save the meanies. Do you read me? Mean people can only save themselves. And this is if they even want to be saved! I know this because I am speaking from personal experience. I am writing this from my 23 years experience of being a mean girl. It was only within the last 3 years of my life that it occurred to me that being mean literally was the cause of my sadness. I was miserable because I was addicted to being gossipy, selfish, and (fake) powerful. Keep in mind- I was only mean via comedy. (See #6). That was how I was able to be a meanie for so long. I disguised myself as a funny person, but really, I was hurting. In the process, I hurt others. Isn’t that how the saying goes? Hurt people hurt people.

Little did I know, I was manifesting my own bad luck. I attracted weak people. The universe was trying to work with me the best it could, but I kept pushing all of the good things away.  I was never grateful, and I was always mean.

Once I realized that the mean life wasn’t working out (and hadn’t been for 23 years), I decided to do something significant. I decided to listen. I decided to really listen to people before planning my response. Without judgement, I listened to people’s stories, both successes and struggles. By listening, I started to connect with others and heal myself. I started to heal my struggles with my body. I healed my need to talk badly about others. And finally, I cut my ties with other mean people. I blocked them on social media. I ceased socializing with them at work. I began to prioritize my time, and that prioritizing did not include people who were angry. I knew I couldn’t save them unless they wanted to be saved. And that was rarely ever the case.

Do you know someone who fits this criteria? How much time do you spend with them? Are you terrified, because you are reading this, thinking crap, this is totally me? Have no fear. There is always a chance to change!



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