You can run (but can’t hide) from the truth


During my sophomore year of college, I remember waking up and deciding I needed to go to the park immediately. At that point in my life, I wasn’t very comfortable with the idea of spirit whispering stage directions into my ear and unquestioningly following them, but I did that day. I drove to a local Tallahassee park with a swinging bench overlooking a beautiful lake. I opened my journal, took a deep sigh, and wrote the words: “I think I’m gay.”

I was shocked at this revelation of truth. After years of suffocating that idea so well that it could never come to the surface, there I was, watching a baby duck flap its feathers and plunge into the lake (symbolic, much?). Looking at the journal, I said out loud to nobody in particular: “Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” This was real. There was ink involved. In my own journal. The ducks knew. The trees knew. My friends knew, my mom knew, my dog probably knew. Despite my own self-violation of admittance, I drove away scared shitless on the outside but irrefutably calm on the inside.

I discovered truth, and the soul loves the truth.

I’m not trying to make this another gayboy coming out story; it’s merely a frame of reference. You could replace all the details of the anecdote above with one of your own experiences: a realization of “knowing,” whether before or after your support system, potentially obvious to everyone and everything, and the immediate visceral reaction from your body that a truth has been uncovered. Perhaps it’s about a relationship, an addiction, a seduction, a conflict, a moment of forgiveness, a decision to leave a job–whatever it is, your soul will keep pushing your truth even when you reject it. When your guides’ patience runs out and the clock strikes zero, you drive like a motherfucking maniacal zombie to the park because it’s time for a wake-up call.

The soul loves the truth.

Even if it’s an inconvenient truth.

Even if it’s a truth you wish you would’ve accepted long ago.

Even if it’s a temporary truth.

The soul loves the truth.

Many times the truth is packaged as pain. How could such a sad situation–someone being sick, someone breaking up with you, someone firing you or not hiring you–possibly be a good thing? Here we reexamine relativity, y’all: How many times have we learned that something “bad” for us in the present moment can later manifest into the best situation ever? I really believe in the old spiritual cliché that what is meant to be will absolutely be. A significant life change, seemingly positive or negative, is a sign that you are getting closer to a truth.

After the sting goes away, why not celebrate? That old reality wasn’t meant to be. You won’t have to deal with that icky feeling anymore of waking up, taking a shower, walking your dog, and falling asleep with the voice in your head shouting, “Hey. You. This is wrong!” I promise that in time, an inconvenient truth will always feel better than a false reality.

The soul loves the truth.

Even if it’s a truth you’d never wish for in a million years.

Even if it’s a truth other people will hate.

Even if you’re not sure how to handle this truth.

The soul loves the truth.


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