Looking for a relationship? Look within

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When I was 21 I fell in love with a country-loving hunter with his bow and arrow and gas-guzzling truck who was conservative on about every possible topic. I, on the opposite hand, am a feisty little Hispanic who is vegetarian and an environmental engineer—aka: I want to save the planet and the animals. We could not have been any more different. So how could an animal-loving liberal fall for an ultra conservative?

He was easy to talk to when I was lost and confused about my life. I didn’t know myself or what I even desired from a relationship. He was emotionally unavailable, which only made me crave his love even more. I ignored all our issues and thought maybe love could change him. Why did I keep attracting these guys who could not commit to a relationship and give me all their love and affection? It’s simple: we attract who we are.

What you give is what you receive. If you feel like you aren’t worthy of anyone’s love, whether it be in friendships or romantic partnerships, you will attract the people who feel the same way. I was unsure about my values and who I was, so I attracted a person who believed in everything opposite than me. At the time, I didn’t realize I was incapable of loving myself, so I chose someone who also couldn’t love me.

When you live to your highest potential, you begin to meet and connect with other genuine souls on similar paths. A spiritual guru named Deepak Chopra discusses on his 21-day meditation challenge that we must look within when looking for relationships through love and caring for yourself. There’s many ways of doing this; not one way is the right way. Caring for yourself doesn’t just mean physically taking care of yourself. It goes on a much deeper level of exploring and understanding who you are and want to become. When we take the time to get to know ourselves and fall in love with our own souls, we can then make meaningful connections.

Fast forward three years later. After dating some very different guys and, most importantly, dating myself, I finally began to understand who I was and how I wanted to be treated. I understood my purpose in this life and began meeting people who shared my similar views and lifestyle.

So if you keep thinking, “Why am I not meeting the right people?”, then ask yourself what type of person you are or what type of person you want to become. As you continue to evolve into that person, the universe will conspire to help you meet others. Go on dates with yourself. Try new foods. Explore your surroundings and see what sparks your interest and then follow that guidance. Take the time to listen to your feelings and what your inner desires are trying to tell you. Nourish YOUR soul. Don’t be afraid to be you.

Just remember: we attract who we are.

Read more about Daniela here.

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