Posted in Stories

The Moment I Knew He Wasn’t For Me

Let me tell y’all a fun little story. Way back, before I understood the magic of listening to my intuition, I invited a male friend of mine over for dinner. Going into this, I knew that this was probably not a good idea. The reasons for this varied, but the most blaring reason was that he was unpredictable. You know the kind- dangerous and mysterious. I wanted to live in a Lana Del Rey music video, and he fit the bill. He was intriguing (and in all the wrong ways), and I think that’s what terrified me. I wanted so badly for him to prove my instinct wrong, and I thought that this dinner was a great place to start.

When he got to my house, the whole scene was incredibly uncomfortable. My attitude started to turn into a less vulnerable, more guarded facade. I tried to remind myself to relax, or be more assertive, or try to be more charming. (Ya see how conflicting and contradictory these thoughts are?) I wanted him to see the authentic, independent and powerful Charise, not the mute and hesitant one that he’s familiar with. I wanted to be the prize (as, let’s be real, I usually am, but that’s neither here nor there).

After an incredibly awkward conversation at dinner, we moved to the living room to watch whatever sitcom was on TV. (Let’s not pretend that I don’t remember every single moment of this date; we were watching Modern family). As we sat in solitary silence, he finally broke it by commenting on a female character’s appearance by saying, “Damn! She got so old. She used to be hot.”  … Ugggghhhhh. Without fail, my intuition started screaming at me once more. This poor man had no idea that this was one of the biggest violations that he could have committed.  I am a body image advocate, which made this simple comment from him an invalidation of my values. And yet, despite this, I still couldn’t speak up.  I was silenced.

Not to spoil the ending, but that relationship didn’t work out. If I am being honest with myself, I knew that he was not going to make the cut during our first conversation ever, but of course, the universe kept sending me messages until I finally caught on.

So many of us harp on failed attempts at love. We utilize social media for the purpose of tracking this person’s love life, who they are spending time with, and where they choose to spend their time after work, i.e. without us.  We do this because we are trying to find meaning out of failure. We are trying to preserve our ego, regardless of whether you were the break up-er or the break up-ee.  I can’t even begin to tell you how toxic this behavior is. But I will, because we are all guilty of it at one time or another. When something is not right, it is vital that we train ourselves in letting go. This is not about pride, nor is this about proving that you are the better person. This is authentically about your well-being and your manifested energy. By holding on, it is only continuing to show the universe what does not work. And remember, we get what we put out into the universe. You don’t want none of that no’ mo’.

So bringing it back to this special individual, I chose to block him on all forms of social media. While this seems extreme, it was necessary for this particular situation. Gage where you stand with it and be honest with yourself. Luckily, I have become much more efficient with the cutting out process (scissor Emoji), but this particular individual sticks out in my mind for so many reasons. I think this is because once I finally listened to the universe, I was rewarded big time. Only a couple months later, I met someone who I was legitimately compatible with (being both overly confident and challenge-obsessed in all the same ways). More on this to follow.

Moral of the story: learn to listen to yourself. Once you do that, learn to let go. And really let go. You will finally allow yourself to get what you deserve!


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